Love and Shadows

RP log - Tsuzuki and Hisoka - Things Heat Up - March 30, 2004

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 05:18:43 GMT

continued

Tsuzuki lifted his mouth, his breath cooling the dampness around his nipple "Can I touch you, Soka...?"

Hisoka sat up then, so he could gaze into Tsuzuki's eyes. "You really want to touch me? I guess... with a couple of conditions." He nuzzled into Tsuzuki's hair and wrapped his arms around the man's neck. "You have to kiss me when you do. And you have to let me touch you."

"If I'm kissing you, I can't tell you what I'm going to do..are you okay with that?" his hands slid to the small of his back, massaging the muscles there.

Hisoka frowned at that, his fingers tickling at the nape of Tsuzuki's neck. "Okay. I'll trust you. When you kiss me, it's so intimate... I think I'll be able to know without you saying."

Tsuzuki nodded once, nudging Hisoka back and holding his eyes a moment before dipping his head, taking his mouth gently. his left hand tightened it's hold against his back, holding him still while the right moved slowly, starting at the boy's knee and making it's way up in cautious massages and caresses.

Hisoka surrendered to Tsuzuki's kiss, his eyes flickering closed. For that moment, he gave himself over to the man's touches and desires, letting go of all his worries and fears. The fingers of one hand slid down Tsuzuki's chest to toy with his nipple, circling it slowly.

There was a light squeeze to his thigh, encouraging him that he was doing fine, and then sure figertips dipped downward, tracing a suggestive path up his inner thigh and the hand on his back nudged him further forward, forcing him to spread his legs a bit wider.

The boy made helpless littlet ravished noises into Tsuzuki's mouth, but he complied with the wordless instructions, scooting a bit closer and opening his legs wider. His own fingers traced down over Tsuzuki's stomach and abdomen, caressing lightly over the man's skin, coming closer and closer to the arousals trapped between them.

For a moment, Hisoka felt himself lifted trapped fully against the older man's body as he shifted his legs, folding his knees up so that the boy could no longer slide back, and then the friction between them was gone as he let him settle back into place.

The boy squeaked softly as Tsuzuki picked him up. He broke the kiss as he felt himself trapped against Tsuzuki's body, his thoughts muzzy and confused, unsure whether he should be nervous or not. "Are you afraid I'm going to get away?" he murmured, brushing his lips faintly against Tsuzuki's.

"You can say stop any time, I will...does this make you uncomfortable...?" as he spoke, his hands withdrew, moving to the middle of his back and rubbing soothing circles.

Hisoka bit his lower lip as he pondered this, trying to explain how he felt about it. "I don't like feeling trapped. I don't mind being touched, though. Your fingers are really... sexy." He blushed, realizing that was probably the first time he had ever said that word.

Tsuzuki nodded a little, and nuzzled against his hair as he lowered his knees a bit "There...you could stand up now if you wanted to...is it better...?"

"Mm... yes. Thank you." He nuzzled back, inhaling the warm fragrance of the man's damp hair. His fingers crept tentatively closer to Tsuzuki's erection. "How about you? Do you like it?"

"Oh yes..." he breathed softly against his ear, a hint of strain in his voice as he moved his hand back between them and caught Hisoka's wrist, stopping him "not yet..."

Hisoka wriggled his hand, pulling his wrist gently free from Tsuzuki's hold. "Not yet? I thought you said I could touch you." There was a faintly teasing tone in the boy's voice, though, and he seemed capable of being patient for this little game. "Where do you want to touch me, then?" Curiosity overcame his earlier desire to be kissed soundly.

"You can...but I don't want you to crush me when I do this." his hand moved quickly, his fingertips running through the fine blond hair at the juncture of the boy's legs and teasing at the base of his erection before sliding skillfully up along the length.

The boy gasped, his eyes widening. The shock of the delicate sensation running over his intimate parts was a surprise but not an unpleasant one. "'Zuki!" His fingers went to Tsuzuki's shoulders, tightening in an effort to hold himself still.

With some effort he found the boy's lips once more, kissing him more demandingly than before as his hand curled securely around him, shifting his finger tips in a vague massage as he flicked his thumb across the head.

Hisoka whimpered softly into the kiss, but he surrendered to it, his rear end wriggling against Tsuzuki's thighs in excitement and anticipation. His hand dropped down to Tsuzuki's lap, his fingertips brushing against the man's erection. His movements weren't nearly as expert as Tsuzuki's, but they were genuine, exploring.

He leaned back a bit, hanging on to his mouth but giving Hisoka more room in his pursuit while his own hand began a lanquid pumping.

Upon being given a bit more freedom, the boy grew more agressive in his kissing, deepening the kiss to thoroughly explore the man's mouth and caress his tongue with his own. Emboldened by the movements of Tsuzuki's hand, he tried to mimick them, led by both what felt good to him and Tsuzuki's own emotional reactions.

Without much in the way of warning, Tsuzuki abrubtly climbed to his feet, carrying the boy up along with him in a rush of water and holding his body tightly against his own as his kiss took on a ferocious sort of hunger. As he seated Hisoka on the edge of the tub he broke the kiss, dropping back down into the water himself onto his knees so that he was level with the boy's waist. He pressed a warm, trembling kiss to the inside of the boy's knee "If you let me...you'll like this even better..."

Hisoka clung to Tsuzuki as the man picked him up, at first confused, then a little embarrassed to have the man kneeling there, so close and able to see everything. "I... I... " Stubbornly, the words refused to come out. Finally, he nodded. "Okay.* He was more uneasy with this because it felt like he had less control, but everything else that Tsuzuki had suggested felt so good.

"You don't have to...if it's too much..." his hands wound upward over Hisoka's thighs, stroking them.

The boy shook his head. "I said it was okay, didn't I? I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it." His fingers caressed over the man's damp hair, tickling down to the nape of his neck.

He moved his head slowly, as if Hisoka might spook if he went too fast, pressing little kisses into his soft inner thighs and moving forward towards his goal, reaching up with one hand to brush the base and then take hold of it.

The boy's hand remained resting at the base of Tsuzuki's neck, not guiding him but just following the man's movements. He closed his eyes, feeling too embarrassed to actually watch, but he could follow everything with Tsuzuki's emotions and movements. A little helpless noise escaped his lips as Tsuzuki took hold of his shaft, but there was no worry in the sound, just anticipation.

Tsuzuki head left his thigh and for a moment there was cool air, thenwarm lips pressed themselves softly against the head of the arousal he held, a moment later a tongue ventured tentatively out, laving gently.

Hisoka tilted his head back in an image of pure ravishment, surrendering to the sensations the man evokes in him. "Mm... 'Zuki. Feels good." The words felt completely inadequate to describe how it felt, but at that moment, he didn't care.

With that encouragemt he opened his mouth, drawing what fit easily of the boy's erection into his mouth and alternately suckling and swirling his tongue while he pumped what remained in the open air.

Little helpless noises escaped the boy's lips as the man began manipulating his cock. Almost of his body's own volition, his legs open even wider and he leans backward, giving himself over to anything Tsuzuki wants from him.

Violet eyes turned upward, watching avidly the boy's sexual awakening rapturously as he redoubled his efforts with both mouth and fingers and his free hand crept up beneath his thigh, working it's way cautiously under his ass where strong fingers probed softly at the surface of his entrance without yet trying to push in.

Hisoka squirmed a little uncomfortably when Tsuzuki pushed against his entrance. "Don't... please... " His voice was small and pleading, as the boy was torn between what he wanted and what this man he cared about wanted.

The hand withdrew immediately, moving away to grip his cheek instead and slowing in his ministrations, waiting to see if the boy wanted him to stop all together.

Hisoka relaxed again as Tsuzuki withdrew his hand, but the boy made no move to stop any of the other actions. His eyes opened a little crack, and he gazed down at Tsuzuki, watching him. "You can... keep doing the rest of it, if you want. I'm sorry if I sent you mixed signals."

He pulled his head back, releasing his erection though his fingers still massaged faintly "It's my fault, I shouldn't have tried...don't be sorry, I should have known better..."

The boy ran his fingers through Tsuzuki's hair, petting him, soothed himself by the gesture as much as he hoped Tsuzuki was soothed. "No fault. Please, don't feel guilty. I want everything between us to be open and accepting. When I feel your guilt, it bothers me. I want you to enjoy us being together, if you still want to be."

"Do you want to stop now? I won't blame you if you do, you...you could...sleep in my bed, tonight...if you wanted..."

"Do you want to stop? I don't want to make you do anything that you don't really want to do."

Tsuzuki laughed faintly and momentarily released Hisoka completely, rising up and enfolding him in a hug "I love you, Hisoka..."

Hisoka wrapped his arms around Tsuzuki, confused but always accepting of a hug. "Love you too. Did I say something strange? I'm sorry if I'm not very good at this. I'm new and you'll have to be patient."

"I know, and we'll do this another time. Maybe we should have stopped with kissing for now. If you want to try again, we will, when you decide."

"Do you have to touch me... -there-... when you... suck me?" He got frustrated with his own inclination to use less crass language, but he didn't want to offend Tsuzuki either, who was doing the touching.

"No, I don't. And next time I won't. Not until you ask me to."

The boy nodded then, accepting that promise. "It just makes me nervous. So much happens so fast, and I don't like feeling I don't have any control over it." He nuzzled the man's hair gently. "Can we go back to your bed? I'm getting cold, sitting out here all wet."

Tsuzuki nodded. "Do you want your pajamas?"

Hisoka looked faintly amused for a moment. "You really are considerate, aren't you? I think I just want my bathrobe, if I end up walking around anywhere. I just want to feel your skin against mine for a while... as long as you don't mind."

"If you'll do something for me."

Hisoka lifted his chin fractionally. "What's that?"

"Don't complain." he answered seriously as he stood up, sweeping the smaller body up with an arm under his knees and carrying him rather like a bride out of the bathroom to deposit him on his bed.

Of all the man's possible requests, Hisoka didn't anticipate that one at all. He had to bite back a protest, though, as soon as Tsuzuki swept him up in his arms. "How long do you want me to not complain? Because it could get pretty difficult, if you want me to keep it up for a long time." There was a teasing tone in his voice.

"I just wanted to do that..." he dipped his head, kissing his forhead lightly "without you railing that I'm treating you like a child or a girl."

"Actually, I thought it was kind of sweet. But now you make me feel funny trying to talk about it." The boy had no experience talking about romantic things, so everything sounded awkward to him.

Tsuzuki laughed a little and left the room, returning moments later with his bathrobe as promised.

Hisoka accepted the bathrobe, draping it over his lap without actually putting it on. "You're very good to me. I'm not sure what I did to deserve all of this."

"Why do you think that you don't deserve it?" he looked at him seriously as he opened a drawer, donning a pair of boxers before joining him on the bed.

Hisoka shrugged. "Well, I think I must make things difficult for you a lot. But still you're kind to me most of the time." It was true, not all of the time, but his relationship with Tsuzuki was still important to him.

"You needed someone to be kind to you. because no man, woman or child deserves *not* to be loved. It makes me sad that you have to question whether you're worthy of it or not."

The boy gave Tsuzuki a rather stern look. "I can think of a time or two that you didn't believe someone could love you either. That kind of advice is always easier to give someone else than take it yourself."

"Okay okay...so we're well suited to each other..." he smiled crookedly.

Hisoka crawled over to Tsuzuki and nudged him gently, wanting to crawl into his lap. "I think so too. I don't know what I'd do without you. I sure wouldn't have anyone to be so sentamental around."

Tsuzuki looked at him innocently, folding him into his arms. "You don't think you and Tatsumi would have hit it off?"

The boy was rather amused. "I like Tatsumi-san, but I can't imagine him ever being emotional. Maybe because I rely on him to be very serious and solid, though. Watari, of course, I could be sentamental with."

Tsuzuki chuckled "I bet Tatsumi-san would have gone for you..."

"What? No." The boy was immediately dismissive of the suggestion, but the more he thought about it, the more it settled into his brain. "You really think so? Why?"

"Because your practical, efficient, you don't drive him crazy like some people...and you might be surprised to know that Tatsumi actually has a soft spot for dealing with people like us...you would have been a very...*sensible* couple."

The boy sighed softly. "He is good looking. And you're right, we do get along. But I don't think there would be the real spark between us. Besides, I like you and I being an unsensible couple." He nuzzled a kiss against the man's throat.

"Well I wasn't suggesting you leave me for him." he scoffed.

"Thank goodness, because if you did, I'd feel obligated to go test out your theory."

"Hey, 'Soka-chan...?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think, maybe, we could call in sick tomorrow?"

Hisoka nuzzled up against Tsuzuki's throat, nibbling over the man's sensitive skin. "Don't you think they'd be awfully suspicious if we both called in on the same day? I mean, they know we live together. Even if they don't think we're in bed together, they'd probably just figure we were goofing off together."

"No, they'd definately think we were in bed together. You don't goof."

"Heh, you're probably right about that." The boy sighed softly. "I do wish we had the day off, though. I guess it's only a couple days until the weekend."

"Although...with us living together, it wouldn't be so preposterous for us to catch the same thing."

The boy considered that for a moment. "Food poisoning? Not unlikely, considering your cooking."

"Hey!"

Hisoka very nearly giggled. "At least it's believable!"

"You're all so mean about my cooking..."

RP log - Tsuzuki and Hisoka - In the Bath - March 28, 2004

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 05:11:06 GMT

continued. Warnings for naughtiness.

To his credit, Tsuzuki managed not to laugh out loud despite his fond amusement at Hisoka's awkward shyness. As promised, he retrieved an armload of towels before joining him in the bathroom, purposefully not looking at Hisoka...at least, not focusing on him as if there were anything particularly worth looking at this moment.

Their bathroom contained Hisoka's single demand when it came to the apartment, and that was a large, deep, luxurious tub. But if Tsuzuki delayed long enough in fetching the towels, the tub would be mostly filled, and the boy just beginning to ease into the water. "Let me know if the water temperature is all right, okay?" Hisoka liked hot baths, but not as-hot-as-one-could-stand.

Tsuzuki flashed him a smile and straightened up, peeling off his sweater casually "I'm sure it's good."

Naughty Hisoka, after all that talk about how close Tsuzuki would be looking at his hipbones, snuck little glances at Tsuzuki out of the corner of his eye, even as he fiddled with the water temperature and the scrubby things along the edge of the tub. "Okay, well tell me if you want it more... anything."

Tsuzuki nodded, smiling absently, acting oblivious to the youth's distraction as he moved on to extract himself from his jeans and approached the tub.

Hisoka made a point of scooting over to allow Tsuzuki a space in the water, and the boy politely looked away as Tsuzuki appraoched. No matter what the boy said about not minding showing off his hipbones, Hisoka was afraid -he- would be the one who would get embarrassed about it. "It looks like you brought in enough towels for an army, though. How much water do you think we'll splash around?"

Tsuzuki raised an eyebrow "depends on how active we are." and winked suggestively.

Hisoka snorted softly, his gaze flickering to Tsuzuki's amethyst eyes. "How active do you have to be to scrub someone's back?"

Tsuzuki laughed "Soka-chan's so innocent."

The boy looked immediately scandalized. "Back-scrubbing! That's what we agreed to! And don't call me 'chan'. I'm not a littlle girl."

Tsuzuki, tactfully, laughed harder.

Hisoka looked annoyed, splashing a little wave in Tsuzuki's direction. "C'mon, quit it. Didn't anyone ever tell you it was rude to laugh constantly at someone the first time someone's naked with you?"

Tsuzuki sobered up "You have a point there. But if you're naked with me, doesn't that make you mu boyfriend?"

Hisoka considered that for a moment. "My boyfriend wouldn't call me '-chan'."

"That was my whole argument."

"What was? For me to agree to be your boyfriend before you'll stop calling me '-chan'?"

"For you being my boyfriend being the justification for calling you '-chan'."

"You want me to call you 'Zuki-chan?"

"I feel Tsu-chan would be more appropriate."

"Tsu-chan...." He said the name like it tasted like something awful. "I don't like it. Not even from you, not from my boyfriend."

"Tsu-chan or Soka-chan?"

"Both. Either. I'd sooner have us call each other 'anata'." The extremely familiar form of "you" often used by wives to address their husbands.

"In public?"

"What? You start doing that in public, -everyone- will know. Watari will be able to cash in on all the bets he has undoubtably made."

"And you wouldn't mind that? You wouldn't be...well, not embarrassed...self-conscious?"

"I -would- mind that! I can't believe you'd actually suggest it!"

"But if I call you 'soka-chan, no one'll notice. Tsu-chan they'd notice."

The boy frowned, obviously unhappy with the idea, but Tsuzuki seemed to be so enamoured of it.... "How about if you just call me 'Soka? The '-chan' would just be too strange at work."

"What did your mother call you when you were little?"

Hisoka seemed to be a little bothered by the question. "Son. Or that boy. Or sometimes, Hisoka-kun." Hisoka never really had a good relationship with his parents.

"And the servents? What did they call you?"

The boy shrugged. "Hisoka-sama. Or Hisoka-kun sometimes." A glare directed at Tsuzuki. "Never -chan."

Tsuzuki held up his hands in surrender "Okay, okay...point taken. 'Soka."

The boy reached for the sea sponge in the basket at the edge of the tub. "Okay, turn around. I'll wash your back." At least it was a change of topic from his childhood.

If that was the way Hisoka wanted to do it...he nodded and turned around, folding his arms on the edge of the tub and leaning.

Hisoka dunked the sponge into the water and then drew it up dripping to the nape of Tsuzuki's neck. Gently, he rubbed it across the man's shoulders, letting the warm water spill down over his skin. Strangely, he felt more in control of the situation like this, and it seemed easier to do than asking Tsuzuki to touch him.

He smiled a little, laying his cheek on his arms and closing his eyes "That's nice...you okay with this?"

"I don't mind touching you. It's kind of nice, really. How about you? If it starts to bother you, let me know, okay?" He wets the sponge again, running it over the man's back in smooth, even lines.

"Doesn't bother me at all...you've got free reign."

The boy leaned over a little, trying to read the man's face, to see what he really might have meant by that. "Free reign over what? Everything?"

Tsuzuki chuckled softly "Anything you want, I guess. It's up to you."

Hisoka just shook his head. "What if I touch you somewhere that makes you uncomfortable? Or is that what you're hoping for?"

Tsuzuki turned his head a little to look at him inquisitively "what would make me uncomfortable?"

The boy shrugged. "I dunno. I'm not you." The boy's movements with the sponge are still gentle and careful, as he makes sure not to touch anywhere that might be questionable.

"Whatever you feel comfortable with is okay with me."

Hisoka wrapped his arms around the man's neck, snuggling up against his back, running the sponge over the man's front. "How about this? Does this make you uncomfortable?" The boy was careful to make sure he didn't press his frontal area against the man's back, though.

Tsuzuki smiled, shifting back a little to make more room between his torso and the edge of the tub "It's nice."

Hisoka closed his eyes then, relaxing against the man, his strokes with the sponge over Tsuzuki's front becoming lazier and more relaxed. "You are pretty nice to take a bath with. So far, anyway."

"I promise not to turn into a leering pervert with a wolfish smile."

"Mm, I'll hold you to that." The boy nuzzled at the nape of Tsuzuki's neck, placing a soft, almost imperceptable kiss there.

"If I moved my arms and put them over yours, would that be okay?"

"Sure but it might make it tough for me to do anything with the sponge." Not that it really mattered... the boy had nearly given up on washing the man's back anyway.

Tsuzuki nodded "That's okay...but you wanted me to tell you before I did anything." he shifted a little, moving one arm down to wrap over Hisoka's.

Hisoka nodded too, nuzzling into Tsuzuki's hair. "I know. I appreciate it, too. Have you taken baths like this a lot with people?" A rather vague question.

Tsuzuki considered that carefully for a long moment before answering "I've probably had more occasion than most to bathe with other people...but mostly when I was incapacitated myself. I don't think I've ever *snuggled* in a tub before."

"Me neither. Though I guess that's pretty obvious." The boy took another spongeful of water and squeezed it out over Tsuzuki's shoulders.

"Can I ask something excruciatingly personal?"

The boy snorted softly. "If I said no, would that stop you? Go ahead."

"If you said no I wouldn't."

"I said it was okay."

"Well, it's just...you don't have to be uke, you know, if you ever wanted to try going further...if it would be easier for you not to be, you know, put in that position."

The boy was struck silent for a long moment, and he could only be relieved that Tsuzuki couldn't see how bright his cheeks flushed. "That... that wasn't actually a question, you know."

"Well no, the question was implied...would you be more comfortable on the proverbial top..."

"I don't know. I don't want to have sex at all right at this moment, so I can't really say which I would prefer. I guess I like to try doing things myself first before I trust someone else to do it to me. But I like it when you touch me, too. When you kiss me and hold me... I like knowing there's someone I can trust to do those things. It gets lonely not to trust anyone."

Tsuzuki chuckled softly "Fair enough, we can wait to figure it out if we ever get that far..."
rhizomecowboy: "How about you making good on what you promised, huh? To wash my back."

"Can't reach."

"Lazy." The boy set the sponge on top of Tsuzuki's head and then released him from the snuggling embrace.

Tsuzuki made a whining noise and turned, catching the sponge when it fell "alright then, turn around."

The boy pouted a little. "It won't be any good if you're going to whine the whole way through it." He did turn around, though, offering his back.

"You sound like Tatsumi." he mused, and dipped the spounge, wringing water down the boy's shoulders before applying the gentle pressure of the sponge to his skin.

"You often take baths with Tatsumi-san, then?" A little uneasily, the boy leaned against the edge of the tub, trying to do it the same way Tsuzuki did.

Tsuzuki laughed "No, not too often. Well, we did in Hokkaido but that was a hotspring. I'm going to put my other hand on your waist, that okay?"

"Mm... okay." He really didn't mind Tsuzuki touching him, as long as he knew what to expect. "Hokkaido's nice. Kind of cold in the winter, though."

"I didn't think you appreciated the company." he joked as he rested his hand on the dip above Hisoka's hip, steadying himself a little that way as he worked the sponge like a massage across his muscles.

Hisoka just felt like he was melting under Tsuzuki's gentle, massaging touches. The man might have been able to feel it, too, as the boy wasn't paying much attention to what he might have been broadcasting. "Well, it's awkward, showing youself naked to a bunch of people who have only seen you clothed."

"Meant Saya and Yuma."

"Oh, heh. Yeah, I'm not crazy about them seeing me naked either." Or them dressing him up in frilly dresses.

Tsuzuki grinned a little "Watari went off on a tangent once about how great we would be together and having a wedding and I told him you'd never do it because they would see you in a bridal gown or die trying."

Hisoka looked over his shoulder at Tsuzuki, giving him an odd look. "Would you really -want- to get married? I mean, it seems like something that people who are alive do." Not to mention, people who are straight.

"Watari just wanted to have a wedding." he winked, "I agree, it's a little much. We could do something though, if you wanted, exchange rings maybe, *privately*."

Hisoka just shook his head. "We've only been living together for a few weeks, and you only really kissed me today. Aren't you being a little hasty?" At least the boy wasn't flipping out about the idea, though.

"I didn't mean *now*, chibi."

"I know you don't mean -now-. I just think it's hasty even to be talking about it at all. But I guess you and Watari have already been picking out the flower arrangments, so maybe it doesn't do any good to tell you something like that."

"*I* think *you're* the one being unrealistic. After what happened in Kyoto...you don't think there's already something pretty deep-rooted between us?"

"I didn't say there wasn't anything deep-rooted between us. I just can't think about something so personal and intimate so soon." The boy paused, then peeked back over his shoulder at Tsuzuki. "Do you believe in waiting until you're married to have sex? Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

"...I never have before. But it's an interesting idea...I mean, since you're different..."

"I'm not different! I just want you to treat me like anyone else." Never mind that Hisoka had already asked for certain special treatment .

"I mean...that *this* is different...I'm not leeching comfort sex off you."

"You usually leech comfort sex off people?"

"I told you before I was an emotional leech...it all kind of ties together..."

"Mm... I suppose that's true." He leans back a little against Tsuzuki's chest, wanting to be held. "If there's anything you need from me, let me know, okay?"

Tsuzuki nodded a little, snaking his hands easily around the youth's waist "I'd pull you into my lap but that might make you uncomfortable."

"But... maybe I want you to hold me in your lap." He wriggled up against Tsuzuki, being rather obvious.

"You sure? We're still naked..." he pulled him back a little, only onto his knees.

"Sure. I said it was all right, didn't I?" He wriggled a little closer to Tsuzuki, leaning against him, but he didn't let himself brush up against the man's crotch.

"Fair enough." he pulled him back more securely, holding him in place, and then mimicked the boy's earlier action of washing his chest and stomach.

Hisoka sighed happily, leaning his head back and resting it against Tsuzuki's shoulder, exposing his throat and chest, anything Tsuzuki wants to touch. "Mm... feels good."

The older man swallowed a little thickly, and nudged Hisoka's weight a little farther down his thighs as he took the opportunity handed him to trail his hands slowly over the boy's skin, gently exploring the slender muscles and soft planes of his torso, and ducked his head a little to kiss softly at the curve of his throat.

Hisoka closed his eyes, mrring softly under the older man's touch and gentle kiss. It felt good to be able to trust someone and just be touched like that. "'Zuki. Your hands feel so good."

Tsuzuki trailed his fingers carefully upwards, painstakingly slowly as if Hisoka might bolt, and grazed a light circle around his left nipple, brushing the sensitive nub as gently as he could.

Hisoka gave a helpless little gasp as Tsuzuki's fingers brushed his nipple, but he didn't draw away at all. "'Zuki... do it again please." He tilted his head and wriggled a little, so he could nibble the man's ear gently.

Tsuzuki uttered a little goan, moving his hand to cup more firmly at his ribs at and angle where he could work the pad of his thumb back and forth across the sensitive spot.

Hisoka gaze a soft little cry as Tsuzuki's attention became more obviously intent. "'Zuki... when you do that, it feels like I just can't hold still. But I want you to keep doing it so much...." His words decended into little vocalized gasps.

"'Soka..." he murmured thickly against his ear, "We need to stop this...if you don't want to go too far..." his other hand wrapped more firmly against his lower stomach, drawing the boy's attention to his own reaction to their activity.

Hisoka found his own body beginning to react as well, and when Tsuzuki called his atttention to his own reaction. "Ah... okay. Sorry about that." He wriggled off Tsuzuki's lap, edging away. "I guess I didn't think about things like that."

"Don't be sorry..." he rubbed his face a little "I wouldn't have minded continuing...just, I didn't want to let it go on until you got upset..."

"I just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." He hesitated a moment, debating whether he really wanted to say what was on his mind. "Was the problem that we were naked, or do you not want to touch me at all until we have sex?"

"I want to touch you, Hisoka...but, you're gonna find that once you get started, it gets harder to stop...I would hate it if something I did was further than you were ready for and you got scared. I don't want to do anything to hurt you."

Hisoka sighed then, unable to argue with that. "Okay. I didn't get scared by anything you did tonight, though."

"Do you want to...continue...then...?"

"I don't want to make you unhappy by asking you to stop. So if it would be better that we do nothing, I guess we should do that."

"Oh..." he looked a little dissapointed.

Hisoka stayed quiet for a moment, then he nudged Tsuzuki's foot with his own. "Stop feeling like that. This is to keep you from feeling bad, you know."

"You asking me to stop wouldn't make me unhappy, Soka...seeing you panic and knowing it's my fault would."

"I can't promise I won't panic if something happens... it's not something that can control or even understand most of the time. But I know it would feel worse if you never touched me because you were afraid that something -might- happen. It doesn't scare me that much when you tell me where you're going to touch me before you do it. It's not just knowing what you want to do, either... I like hearing your voice saying it." The boy blushed faintly.

Tsuzuki's mouth twitched slightly at that. Was blushing little Hisoka going to end up being into dirty talk. *That* was interesting. "Do you want to try again...?"

The boy was a little uncertain, though. "Are you sure? I mean, -I- wouldn't mind it.... " He edged closer, though he didn't crawl into Tsuzuki's lap this time.

"I was *really* enjoying it...I was just kind of worried I was enjoying it too much..."

"Well... I was enjoying it too I guess you could tell, though. But maybe it depends on whether it bothers you, not being able to have sex right away."

"Stop worrying about *me*, I'm a big boy, I can handle myself. God, I really didn't mean that to come out that way..."

Hisoka arched a brow at Tsuzuki. "Did you mean for that to be an innuendo?" His voice was dry, not obviously teasing.

"I didn't mean *handle* myself, I mean...I can deal with the situation..."

Hisoka ducked his head, trying to keep an uncharacteristic giggle from bubbling out. "But you said you're a 'big boy', too. And you know, I could tell."

Tsuzuki groaned and sank down, dissapearing under water.

Hisoka reached for Tsuzuki, trying to pull him up out of the water. "C'mon, I'm just teasing you! You tease me all the time! Don't I get to have a little pay-back?"

Tsuzuki popped up, shaking the water out of his eyes and grinned at him crookedly.

Hisoka wrapped his arms around Tsuzuki and hugged him tightly, less shy this time about what parts brush up against Tsuzuki, or what parts of Tsuzuki's he brushes against. "Zuki. Love you."

He brought his hands around to rest lightly on his back "I love you too...is it alright if I move my hands lower...?"

Hisoka blushed a little, even if Tsuzuki couldn't see it. "Okay... but you have to stop when I tell you to." He didn't even know how much would feel good and how much would bother him, but he did know that Tsuzuki touching him felt good.

Tsuzuki nodded, dipping his head to kiss at his throat the way he'd liked before as he slid his hands slowly downward, pausing about even on his hips "Okay so far...?"

Hisoka was very still as Tsuzuki's hands moved down his back, and he stayed still even as the man's hands came to a halt. Tentatively, he gave a little wriggle, but Tsuzuki's hands stayed still. "Mm... feels fine. That little flutter is back in my stomach, though."

"Good flutter or bad flutter?"

"Good... I think. Because I also feel happy that we can be so close together."

"Okay...you're coming on my lap now." he hands finished their descent, gripping him by his buttocks and lifting him forward to straddle his thighs though not pushing him uncomfortably close.

Hisoka gasped softly as Tsuzuki grabbed him and pulled him onto his lap. Straddling Tsuzuki's lap like that did make him a little nervous, but Tsuzuki's presence was so warm and comforting he just couldn't panic. "Is this good?"

Tsuzuki nodded and moved his hands back up along his sides quickly, not wanting to be too invasive. As he ducked his head back into the crook of his neck once more his left arm slipped around to cradle his back while his right hand slid between them, resuming it's earlier fascination with his nipple.

Hisoka gasped softly as Tsuzuki's fingers found his nipple again, but his body reacted with the same honest interest that it showed before. "Ah, Zuki! You're being so wicked." He nuzzled in and nipped the man's earlobe, teasing it gently with his teeth.

"You're a quick study..." he murmured back, and then nudged him slightly "lean back...hold on to my shoulders..."

Hisoka didn't really understand, but he did as he was directed, his fingers tightening gently around Tsuzuki's shoulders, and he slowly leaned back, tilting his head back, just trusting the man and whatever he has planned.

Tsuzuki used the new angle to trail his kisses along his throat and forward, suckling briefly on the boy's hint of an adam's apple before continuing lower, nipping and lapping his way down to his nipple and latching onto it.

Hisoka rewarded the man with little aroused noises of reaction with each nip and kiss, and when his nipple was seized in the man's mouth, Hisoka's eyes flew open. He didn't move from this pose of surrender, though. "Zuki... it feels like...." He trailed off, not even sure what it felt like, unable to put words to the feeling that sent tingles through hs whole body, both from the physical sensation and the knowledge of what the man was doing to him.

Tsuzuki didn't answer him as his mouth was otherwise occupied, but he massaged gently at the small of his back and after a while moved his head, giving the other side the same attention, nudging the boy's hips forward only slightly, bringing both of their arousal's into brief contact.

Hisoka cried out softly as the man's cock brushed his own, the sound much sharper than the smaller noises that Tsuzuki draws out of him by sucking on his nipples. "The more you do that, the more I want! Zuki, you're going to drive me crazy!"

RP log - Tsuzuki and Hisoka - The Conversation Turns Personal - March 27, 2004

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 04:58:24 GMT

(continued)

"Does it make you uncomfortable...? That I think of you that way...?" Tsuzuki asked.

Hisoka shrugged. "I can't really blame you. You or anyone, really. It's more that I wish I could grow up, just like an ordinary person. But that's not really a wish that's possible to have, I guess."

"It could be worse...you're Ganymede forever. If you'd died right off you'd be thirteen and then people would *really* treat you like a kid. There's no reason you can't gain respect like you are. But actually...I meant the intimate stuff..."

"Well, it's not too difficult to imagine a worst case scenerio for most situations. I don't think I would have become a shinigami if I had died right away. It was how things built up over months and years that made me decide I had to try to find the man who did that to me." The boy shook his head, becoming aware that he had once again reflexively tried to avoid the question. "What you think of me doesn't make me uncomfortable, though. At least, not all of it. I just wonder how I could live up to the image you have of me... Ganymede and all that."

Tsuzuki sighed a little "Hisoka...the most important lesson you can ever learn about love...is that you don't have to live up to it. I know that people in your live have always expected...standards for you, and hurt you when you didn't meet them...but there is such a thing as unconditional love. Really."

It was clear that the boy thought about that for a long moment. "I guess that's true. But I have expectations of myself, too, and if I can't see myself as someone who could be desired in that way, it's hard to see that someone else could. But Tsuzuki..." The boy reached out and touches the man's hand lightly. "I don't doubt that there's love between us."

"Neither does anyone else." he gave him a playful wink.

Hisoka blinked then, taken a bit by surprise. "What do you mean by that? Are you saying that everyone knows something about us?"

"Well...everyone knows what you did in Kyoto. That and I think Watari is running a couple of pools."

Hisoka wrinkled his nose then. "I know that, but... can't they just take it at face value?" But honestly, the boy knew that he did what he did because of how much he cared for Tsuzuki and how important the man was to him, and if some kind of development into more-than-friendship was inevitable, how can he argue much when it might possibly be true?

"It doesn't *have* to be sexual love, you know."

"Well of course it doesn't -have- to be anything. What do you want it to be?"

Tsuzuki was quiet for a moment, studying is younger partner thoughtfully "I want it to make you happy...whatever it is. I would *like* it if we were...more than friends...but I don't need that."

"I don't know if I'm ready for anything sexual, but I think I liked it when you kissed me. I might make it difficult for you, though. You might get impatient with me, or something might happen that I want things to stop."

"I can handle that. We've got plenty of time for you to heal. I'm not going to get impatient or hold you trauma against you."

The boy felt rather embarrassed as Tsuzuki said that. "I hate that you have to make accomodations like that for me."

"You do your fair share of accomadating...neither of us are poster boys for mental health."

Hisoka sprawled out on his back beside Tsuzuki, gazing up at the ceiling. "I guess that's true. In some ways, that makes me feel better, because at least I can do some good for you, and I'm not just a liability."

He rolled onto his side, propping his head up on his arm so that he could look down at Hisoka's face. "I'm a leech. Emotionally. That's why I end up going through partners like kleenex. I'm needy and I take as much as anyone can give me. But you...*you* need *me*...so I can't just indulge in my own misery and suck you dry of your caring because I have to give *back*. You balance me out."

Hisoka's look softened. "That's true... it's why we make good partners, that balance." He turned his head, so he could gaze at Tsuzuki's amethyst eyes. "So... tell me what we do now."

The older man hesitated for a moment, before leaning down slowly, giving the boy all the time and indication of what he was doing, should he want to move away.

Hisoka wriggled a little as he saw Tsuzuki move in, but it was more from anticipation than discomfort. In the end, he even got impatient enough to lift his head from the floor, brushing his lips softly against Tsuzuki's.

He caught the hint and pressed down a little more firmly, simply holding the boy's mouth against his own for a moment before begining to work his lips softly, coaxing the inexperienced youth to follow his lead and waiting until he began to get the hang of it before venturing out his tongue to lave faintly against the boy's lower lip.

The boy could feel a little flutter in his stomach as the man kissed him, the slow increase of pressure feeling good. He reached up with tentative fingers and touched Tsuzuki's cheek, as if to hold him right there. When he felt the man's tongue against his lower lip, a small noise escaped him, his own tongue snaking out and teasing against the man's.

That small sound was like a siren's call for Tsuzuki and with the obvious encouragement he plunged forward, delving his tongue insistantly into the wet heat of Hisoka's mouth, teasing hungrily along the roof of his mouth and twining intimately with his own tongue.

Hisoka gasped into Tsuzuki's mouth as the man deepened the kiss, surprise more of an issue than displeasure. At first, he simply let himself be kissed, experiencing what it felt like and what Tsuzuki would do, but then slowly, he began responding, kissing back in a way that he hoped made Tsuzuki feel as good as Tsuzuki was making him feel.

The older man alternated between plundering deeply and reigning himself in, letting Hisoka hazard his own exploration and exprimentation. While he still leaned on one arm to support himself, he let his other wander, resting his hand tamely at the curve of his waist, leaving it there for the boy to grow comfortable with it's presence before trailing it carefully up along his ribs.

Hisoka quickly felt like he was drowning in sensation, Tsuzuki's emotion strong enough he could practically taste it with this intimacy. His fingers trailed down Tsuzuki's cheek to his throat, preferring to have contact with the man's skin, rather than any other possibilities of touch. His own immortal heart beat so strongly in his chest, he thought certainly Tsuzuki could feel it beneath those questing fingertips.

Finding Hisoka receptive enough, strong fingers made a trail back down along his side, giving him room to pull away as they worked his shirt upwards to the waist of his jeans with subtle surety, and then slid only slightly beneath it, resting his fingertips against the warmth of Hisoka's bare skin and waiting before pushing any further.

Tsuzuki's touch against his skin sent a shock that was nearly electric through the boy. His eyes flew open and his hand shot down to catch Tsuzuki's wrist firmly. He didn't try to push Tsuzuki away or guide him; he just held the man's hand right there, a little spark of fear coming back to life inside him.

Tsuzuki didn't move his hand, neither pressing forward nor pulling away, but simply held there, unthreatening as he carefully disentangled from the kiss, pressing his lips against Hisoka's gently a few more times, and then depositing the same little kisses across his cheeks comfortingly before pulling back all together. "You okay?"

Hisoka didn't answer for a long moment, taking some comfort in Tsuzuki's gentle kisses. At last, he pulled Tsuzuki's hand away and entwined his fingers with the man's, bringing his hand to rest against the boy's chest. "I'm fine, I think. You're a good kisser." He didn't want to say anything about the touch or his reaction, because he wasn't at all sure what had happened.

Tsuzuki smiled gently and winked "That's the other great thing about virgins...you're bound to be the best lover they've ever had. Sit up and finish eating...you wouldn't want your happiness to get cold."

Hisoka snorted softly. "I only said you're good, not that you're the best person with lips. You want me to take a survey of a hundred different people and come back with a more informed opinion?" Tsuzuki's remark had effectively disturbed the mood, though, so he let go of the man's hand and sat up, looking around for his three happiness.

Tsuzuki didn't say anything, no retort, no joke...just smiled at him softly and picked up his own chopsticks.

Hisoka picked up his chopsticks again and picked at the food on his plate, without eating any more of it.

"You want to go take your bath now? I'll clean this up."

The boy's gaze flickered up to Tsuzuki's face and he scanned it readingly. "Ah... maybe. Or maybe I should help you clean this up first." He began gathering up the containers of leftovers, closing them up.

"I want to ask you something." Tsuzuki stood up, picking up cartons as he did so and moving towards the kitchen.

Hisoka gathered up the rest of the things, following Tsuzuki into the kitchen. "Sure. What's on your mind?"

"Why don't you mind Watari calling you bon?"

Hisoka had been expecting an entirely different sort of question, so his surprise made him answer without thinking about it much. "Because I can tell he doesn't look down on me when he says it. He always has a warm, genuine smile for me, and that means a lot."

Tsuzuki's mouth twitched slightly with humor as he answered "You do know he's the number one supporter of us getting together, right?"

Hisoka looked wryly amused at that. "Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. Did he talk to you about it? Or did you bring it up to him?"

Tsuzuki considered that seriously for a moment, looking up at the ceiling "Well...I brought it up to him first, you know there are *some* things Tatsumi is not the best confidant for, but *he* already had the idea in his head and was pretty ecstatic over my anguish. That was right *after* the ordeal with Hijiri, when I was feeling like a pedophile."

Hisoka frowned slightly. "Right after Hijiri? But... that was quite a while ago. You've been thinking about this for that long without telling me?"

"Heh..." he laughed nevously, rubbing the back of his neck "you were working through a lot...I didn't want to add pressure on you or anything..."

"I guess so, but it seems like you were working through a lot too. It's not fair that we both have to go through things separately." And just because he wanted to, he sidled up next to Tsuzuki and wrapped his arms around the man, hugging him close.

Tsuzuki smiled a little, raising a hand to run his fingers through his sandy locks "So he's never made and subtle hints to push *you* towards *me*?"

Hisoka rested his cheek against Tsuzuki's chest, enjoying the feeling of the man's fingers in his hair. "Well, you know Watari. Sometimes he says weird things, but how seriously can you take him?" Probably the boy was naive enough for most of Watari's suggestions to go right over his head, too.

"Well, he did inform me that empaths make the best lovers." he responded in an amused voice, moving his other hand to rest across his shoulders as he continued to stroke his hair "I'm pretty sure he's just theorizing."

Hisoka shook his head at that. "Watari can be so strange sometimes. What if it turns out I'm not a good lover at all?" He didn't even mean for that question to come out, but it was his first reaction.

"Oh I don't know..." he smiled slyly "I can see where Watari got the idea...I mean, if you know what I'm feeling, then you know exactly what feels good...and if you're feeling it throught me, the way I do, it sort of keeps spiraling..."

"I don't even mean that. Just... what if I'm not very good? What if I don't do things right or if I keep telling you to stop when you don't want to?"

"That's nothing worth worrying about. You can practice just like at anything else."

"But what if I just have no talent at it? That matters, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it matters...but in the spectrum of things that matter, it's very small. Why are you so worried about it?"

Hisoka just shrugged. "I dunno. It just worried me, that you might be expecting a lot of me." Didn't they already go 'round about this?

"Hisoka. I said you were a fantasy, right?"

"Being a fantasy means living up to a lot of expectations."

"Well," he smirked a little, "in my fantasy, you're so innocent that it only takes a few kisses and careful touches to incapacitate you with need. You aren't uncomfortably self-concious, though maybe a little shy and blushing. Everything I do to you is new and leaves you desperate and panting and whimpering. Nothing frightens you and you trust me completely. But that's a fantasy. I *know* that it won't be like that, that you'll feel awkward or body shy or uncomfortable, that things will have to move slowly because of what that *bastard* did to you, that even though you trust me, you'll still be afraid. I don't expect you to live up to the fantasy, because it's just that. And it doesn't hurt anything for me to have it...and the real, awkward, hurt, inexperienced Hisoka is better than a perfect imagined one."

Hisoka blushed at that, picturing that scene, Tsuzuki doing those things to him and him reacting like that. The man's words comforted him, though. He acutely felt his own imperfections, and the knowledge that Tsuzuki could accept him for that meant a lot. "Tell me, Tsuzuki. Did you mean what you said earlier? About the bath, I mean?"

"What about the bath?"

A little embarrassed, the boy released Tsuzuki from the hug. "You've forgotten. Okay, I'm going to go take my bath."

Tsuzuki grinned, hanging onto him "I haven't forgotten, I want to hear you say what you want..."

Hisoka felt even more embarrassed then, but he was stubborn, too. "Are you sure you haven't forgotten? What if you're just trying to trick me into telling you? I might as well tell you I want you to dress up in a skimpy toga and peel grapes for me while I take a bath."

"With my teeth?"

"Sure, any way that you want to do it."

Tsuzuki chuckled a little "sadly, we have no grapes. Hisoka, do you want me to wash your back?"

Hisoka nodded, blushing a little but trying not to look embarrassed. "I thought it might be interesting, you know? Since you said you wanted to. And the kissing part seemed to go pretty well, so...."

"Hisoka...not that I wouldn't *really* like to...and not to embarrass you or discourage you if you feel ready for it...but are you *sure? For yourself...? I started to touch you under your shirt and you freaked...so I want to make sure you want to, for yourself."

Hisoka frowned then, trying to sort through all the complicated thoughts cluttering his head. "I didn't want you to not touch me... I was just a little unsure what you were going to do." Again he wrapped his arms around Tsuzuki and held him tight, as if afraid he was going to get away. "Just tell me first before you do something, okay? If everything moves so fast, I don't even get a chance to anticipate what you're going to do next."

Tsuzuki nodded solemnly "Alright. And you're okay with me seeing your...hipbones?"

Hisoka frowned. "How close are you going to be looking?"

Tsuzuki laughed "nudity, clear water?"

"How about you? What about me seeing your hipbones?"

"I am not ashamed of my hipbones."

"Well fine then. I don't have to be ashamed either, do I?" The boy wasn't actually sure if he could walk the walk as easily as he talked the talk, but he was stubborn and determined then.

Tsuzuki smiled "How about you get in and I'll join you in a minute...I'll get more towels..."

The boy nodded quickly. "Okay." The idea of getting undressed in front of Tsuzuki seemed somehow more awkward than actually being naked. But he came up on his tiptoes and kissed the man's cheek before slipping out of his arms and heading into the bathroom to run the water.

RP log - Tsuzuki and Hisoka - Dinner and Conversation - March 25, 2004

Sat, 29 May 2004 00:41:56 GMT

(continued)

Hisoka reached up and brushed the man's cheek with his fingertips, looking into those brilliant amethyst eyes. "All right. We should go get dinner, shouldn't we? Rather than making a scene in the middle of the street...." He could tell there were people looking at them.

The older man couldn't supress a grin, hooking his arm through Hisoka's playfully and pulling him along "You're getting to be a real live person..."

Hisoka snorted softly, shaking his head. "What was I before? An imaginary dead person, maybe?" He shouldered against Tsuzuki, though, nudging and teasing him back.

"You were in self-imposed lockdown." he answered easily. "A year ago you would have been in agony about being stared at and lashing out to protect yourself."

The boy looked down at the sidewalk, thinking about that for a moment. "I guess that's true. I've come to trust you a lot since we've been partners. We've come a long way since we first met, when you were lurking around, acting like a vampire."

"I was *not* acting like a vampire, *you* were just a little too cocky!"

The boy gave Tsuzuki a scandalized look, feeling a little offended in spite of the teasing way the conversation began. "And I guess you're the expert in 'cocky', huh? Aren't you always the one who tries to make decisions about what we're going to do?"

Tsuzuki chuckled. "Because left on your own, you wouldn't *do* anything? What better way to force someone who doesn't care about anyone or anything to admit to preferences than to force decisions on him and wait for him to rise to the indignity?"

Hisoka just shrugged at that. "You think it makes you seem less cocky to admit you were manipulating me?" The man had gotten under his skin.

"The point, Hisoka, is that you're growing up. You're letting out that person you've always worked so hard to contain and protect and disacknowledge...and it turns out, he's not a bad person at all, people like him."

Hisoka gave Tsuzuki an odd look, not really sure how to respond to that. "I guess. Though it's awfully tempting to say something about your judgment." The boy's look turned a little wry, the closest he came to a smile on most days.

Tsuzuki sniffed, taking on a comically disdainful air, teasing him, "Well, maybe I just thought you were cute and the personality thing is just a fluke."

"Of course. That would be more in keeping with your habits, wouldn't it? You're just a litte puppy looking for his master, aren't you?" The boy reached up and tousled the man's hair, trying to turn the tables on him.

"Well, now, who was it who ran clinging to *who* for a purpose to exist? Pot meet kettle much?" he smirked at him and shook out his hair.

Hisoka sniffed distainfully. "Just like I said. Cocky. Or is this just a distraction to keep from explaining why you kissed me before?"

"I thought it was sort of self-explanatory. I mean, I know you didn't spend your adolescence in the environment most conducive to socializing, but still..."

Hisoka shoved his hands into his pockets, suddenly slowing the pace of his walk. "Just another way of manipulating me, huh? To see how I'd react?"

Tsuzuki stopped and turned to face him, looking genuinely bewildered "No! That's not...of course not!"

When Tsuzuki stopped, the boy gave him an intent look, then tried to brush past him. "Then why have you been needling me since you did it?"

Tsuzuki sighed softly, trying to follow him. "Trying *not* to make you uncomfortable..."

Hisoka just shrugged, apparently ready to let the subject drop. "Where do you want to pick up dinner? You do still want to eat, don't you?"

"How about I cook for you tonight?"

Hisoka made a choking sound that might be near a laugh from anyone else. "No thanks. I don't think my taste buds can handle that kind of trauma tonight."

Tsuzuki's face fell into a puppy-like pout. "Mou...Hisoka, you're so mean..."

"What is it? You were excited before about getting Chinese food."

"Chinese is good too." Tsuzuki perked up, "You like fried rice, ne? Sweet and sour chicken?"

"Sure. But we'd better get something with vegetables too." Honestly, the boy had never been very keen on sweet and sour chicken; it was only because Tsuzuki wanted it so often that he boy had developed a taste for it.

"We could get vegetable lo mein...and a puu puu platter!"

"Fine. You want to get it at the place up here, then? They have the better lo mein." The boy pointed towards the little take-out place on the corner. Really, it was a relief that Tsuzuki had refocused on food, rather than everything that was making him so uncomfortable before.

"Don't you want anything in particular for yourself?" he fixed him with an inquisitive look as he started patting down his suit in search of his wallet.

"This is the place that has the Three Happiness, isn't it?" The boy had always found it amusing and somewhat ironic that one could "buy happiness" at a Chinese restaurant. Maybe he even liked the name better than the dish.

Tsuzuki grinned widely "That's the spirit."

"I only hope your wallet can handle this meal." They came up on the little shop and went inside to place an order.

"Eh heh..." he muttered as he picked woefully through his wallet, pulling out the last of his bills.

Dutifully, the boy patted down his pockets, then pulled out a thousand yen bill, holding it out to the man. "Will this help?"

Tsuzuki seized it with a croozed grin and tipped him a wink before going up to the counter to place their order.

Hisoka just stood back and let the man place the order, focusing instead on all of the calligraphy scrolls that hang around the restaurant.

Predictably, Tsuzuki seemed to be on good turns with the woman behind the counter and had their bags of food in hand relatively quickly, handing Hisoka one as they headed back out onto the street. "We could move back the coffee table and lay out a blanket and make a whole picnic out of it."

It was times like this that Hisoka didn't mind Tsuzuki's obsession with food and the friends he was able to make on account of it. He took one of the bags from Tsuzuki, walking along side them on their short trip back to the apartment. "Sure, if you want to. We still have to see if there are any interesting documentaries on tonight, though." He wasn't going to let Tsuzuki forget that promise.

"Yes...of course. Hey, but if there isn't anything, maybe we could watch a movie or something?"

Hisoka nodded. "Sure, if you want." Secretly, he hoped there would be a scandalously bad Meiji Era documentary on, just so he could see Tsuzuki get worked up over all the mistakes.

Tsuzuki nodded cheerfully. "Eating out all the time gets expensive... maybe some time I could teach you to cook?"

"You? Teach me? Thanks, but I can't imagine spending that much time and effort myself only to end up with something that's still inedible. Maybe you're right, though... I could try to learn how to cook." The boy didn't sound very enthused about the possibility, though.

Tsuzuki glanced at him sideways, obviously itching to ask him something, but hesitent about bringing it up.

The boy could practically feel Tsuzuki's look. "What?"

"I was just wondering how you managed to get through sixteen years without ever having to cook anything for yourself...my neesan started teaching me to help her when I was seven."

Hisoka didn't answer for a moment or two. "Well, my family had servants to take care of things like that. Not to mention that my mother often kept me out of sight when she could." 'Out of sight' being the boy's euphemism for being locked in a little cell. "And I spent the last three years of my life in and out of a hospital, so...."

That earned him a rather awed curiosity. "I knew you had an admirable lineage but I didn't know you came from *money*..." he laughed a little awkwardly "I guess the white collar apartment life is a little weird to adjust to..."

"My father believed in living a traditional samurai family lifestyle, and having a girl or two around to cook and clean was just part of that. It wasn't like I grew up spoiled, though. He had a lot of tutors and martial arts trainers, but he never bought me all that much. Believe me, living with you in that regular old white collar apartment is a lot nicer."

"I shouldn't have brought it up in the first place." Despite his attempt at being apologetic, he couldn't help a smile...Hisoka had never actually vocalized any sort of sentiment to the effect of enjoying living together.

They came up to their apartment building and went inside, heading up the steps to their apartment. Hisoka lowered his voice a little as they stepped inside, as he didn't want to broadcast everything to their neighbors, but he showed no discomfort at talking about it. "It's all right. The further I get from it, the easier it is to talk about."

"That's good, ne? It's a sign of healing...If you ever feel like you *want* to talk about anything, vent, get it off your chest...you'll come to me, ne?" he gave him a small smile as he opened the door to their apartment and stepped in first.

"How about you? I know you're hiding a secret or two. Unless there's some reason you don't want to share those things with me?"

Tsuzuki looked at him, honestly, for a long moment "If *I* ever feel like talking about anything...venting...getting it off my chest...I'll come to you."

The boy just looked at him, feeling oddly touched by the way Tsuzuki said that. He went over to the man and hugged him, all of his annoyance at their earlier conversation just melting away. "Thank you. I'll hold you to that."

Tsuzuki smiled a little sadly, hugging him back gently and not mentioning the fact that he was quite the hipocrite on the matter and doubted he *would* ever feel like talking about his past...probably someday he would tell Hisoka everything...but not yet, not while he could put it off and Hisoka was doing his own healing. "Come on, let's get served, I'm starving, aren't you?"

Hisoka knew that Tsuzuki wouldn't be offering a whole lot of information very quickly, but he was willing to wait. The boy had enough secrets of his own, things he probably wouldn't ever talk about either, but it was nice to be able to talk about some things, at least. "Sure, let's eat. You get set up in here, and I'll go get the plates, okay?" If Tsuzuki had his heart set on a picnic, he could set it up.

Tsuzuki nodded and let him go, moving to rearrange the furniture to make room and retrieving a blanket from the linen closet. "We could watch tv in our pajamas."

The boy went into the kitchen and rummaged around, looking for picnic-appropriate dinnerware. "If we're going to do that, I want a bath first." Before long, he came back into the living room, arms laden with plates and such.

"Food would get cold." Obviously that was not an option. "You can have your bath after we eat." He smiled and handed him the food to spread out before dissapearing into his bedroom to change out of his work suit.

Hisoka obviously didn't consider it a real option either, but then again, he usually went to work in jeans and a t-shirt. He flopped down onto the floor with the food and began setting things out. He had even brought a couple bottles of cold tea. "Better hurry, or I'll eat it all," he called, when he thought Tsuzuki was taking a little too long in getting ready.

That earned him a resounding laugh as Tsuzuki reappeared, having donned jeans and a striped sweater in deferance to Hisoka's desicion against pajamas "You, little man? The king of skipped meals and small portions? You'd make yourself sick trying."

Hisoka had already broken into his carton of happiness and was munching on veggies when Tsuzuki came back in. "If you took long enough, I could. Say, three or four days." Tsuzuki always did order a shocking amount of food just for the two of them.

"It would never take me three or four days, there's only one clothes horse living here and it isn't me." he stood a moment longer than neccesary, not for the first time quietly admiring Hisoka's seated form for a breath before joining him on the floor and diving into his sweet and sour chicken. He strongly doubted it would take very much work to actively seduce his younger partner, between his adolescent hormones and complete lack of experience, but as much as he wanted to for himself, he wasn't sure initiating a more intimate relationship between them would be healthy for the boy in the long run...love, even platonic as it stood now, was a new luxury for Hisoka and he was only learning to trust it. It would be far too easy to confuse him before he was ready, and the last thing Tsuzuki wanted was for Hisoka to mistake loyalty or gratitude for intimate love and have it destroy them both later.

Hisoka said nothing about Tsuzuki's loitering or his look, he just picked up the carton and nudged some vegetables, shrimp, beef, and pork onto Tsuzuki's plate next to his chicken. "C'mon, I think you need some happiness." The boy knew he'd end up eating some of the things that Tsuzuki picked out anyway. After a moment, he said quietly, "You're regretting that kiss before, aren't you?" Really, the boy could tell Tsuzuki was thinking something about him, but he couldn't tell what it was specifically.

Tsuzuki laughed faintly "Not entirely...I'm regretting pushing that idea on you...but the kiss itself? It felt good. Even if you didn't really know what you were doing." he teased lightly.

Hisoka paused, his chopsticks holding a shrimp suspended for a moment, as he just looked at his partner. "You didn't push that idea on me. Believe me, if I didn't want you to kiss me, I'd let you know." He hesitated a moment, then his gaze dropped down. "Sorry I haven't had a lot of experience with that kind of thing. I guess it's no fun doing something like that with someone who 'doesn't know what they're doing'." Apparently the teasing aspect didn't come through.

Tsuzuki shook his head a little "I didn't mean it that way, Hisoka," he smiled a little, "the way you are...you're a walking fantasy, you know that...?"

The boy's cheeks pinkened at that. "What do you mean? Whose fantasy? Not yours, surely not.... You know me for all my faults, I don't know why you'd be fantasizing about me."

Tsuzuki grinned croozedly, with just a faint predatory gleam as he rearranged himself to lie on his stomach propped on his elbows in front of his plate "Are you kidding? You're at a ripe age of burgeoning sexuality...beautiful...and still innocent...you don't think the schoolgirl fantasy goes both ways? Do you have any idea what a turn on the prospect of being the first, the teacher is?"

Hisoka blushed even brighter at that, his gaze darting away. "Tsuzuki. You know... what happened to me.... " He hated bringing up Muraki when their together, but he thought Tszuuki was just being naive.

Tsuzuki shook his head "You give yourself too little credit. That doesn't matter...it's completely different. You've never had a *lover*...no one's ever touched you and brought you through all the new sensations and pleasure, made you gasp and cry out in anything other than pain. So you aren't a virgin in the technical sense of the word, you're still innocent..."

Hisoka found he couldn't really argue with that, though it was still a little difficult for him to wrap his head around the ideas. "So you're saying that you... think I'm beautiful? You fantasize about being my first? about being my lover?" He hadn't ever heard Tsuzuki talk like this before, so he wasn't quite sure how he should act.

For once, it was Tsuzuki's cheeks that colored faintly "Well...yes. Yeah, I have...but I *do* know what happened to you...I know you might never want to have a male lover after that...I wouldn't blame you if you didn't."

Hisoka shook his head. "You don't remind me of that man. If you and I... if we ever did become lovers, it would be because you liberate me from everything that happened in my past. Even now, living here in this apartment, seeing your smile every day, even arguing with you as much as you do, these are things that take me further from my past. I guess it'll always be a part of me, but every day I'm with you, the present becomes just a little bit more important than the past."

"Like I said before...I don't want to do anything that might hurt you. I didn't even mean to start this conversation, not yet. We've got all of eternity ahead of us afterall..."

Hisoka crawled around the food, coming up to Tsuzuki on all fours. "Don't be so afraid you're going to hurt me. I've been through a lot. I'm tough." The flip side of that, of course, was that if anyone could hurt Hisoka with an off comment or thoughtless gesture, it would be Tsuzuki. The boy wouldn't admit that aloud, though. He just wrapped his arms around Tsuzuki, hugging him tightly.

Tsuzuki couldn't help laughing a little at that "I know you are...give me a break here, okay? I'm trying to be your whole family...do you have any idea how hard it is to be protective of you and want you at the same time? It's a little bit of a conflict of interest..." he ducked his head, resting it on top of Hisoka's for a moment, "You know, you never mentioned if you liked it or not..."

Hisoka took a moment to t hink about that, though he remained snuggled against Tsuzuki, just wanting the man to touch him for a few moments. "Whether I like it? You mean, you being attracted to me? It feels a little frightening, but it feels wonderful too. No one has ever felt that way about me before... wanted me for me." Then he looked up at the man, gazing into those amethyst eyes. "Do you really think you need to protect me from yourself?"

"Do you feel afraid of me?"

"No, not at all. I know you won't intentionally hurt me, and I know you'll try your best not to unintentionally hurt me. What else could I ask for?"

"You said it was frightening." he pointed out, tightening his arms a little across the boy's back.

Hisoka thought about that for a moment, trying to pin down these new feelings. "It's hard to imagine opening myself to that kind of thing. But I want it, because it's -you-."

Tsuzuki let out a soft breath against his hair. "Most boys your age are still messing around, figuring themselves out...asking you to commit to this, it's asking a whole lot...and if you think now that you love me like that, and realize with age and experience that it's really loyalty, and convenience...you won't be happy anymore. That's what I want to protect you from..."

Hisoka thought about that seriously for a moment. "You're right... unlike most people, you and I have the potental to be together literally forever... or sometime near that long. I don't know what things will be like between us at some point in the future, and maybe it's wrong of me to promise. Do you think we could take things just one day at a time for a while? I know what I feel for you is more than just loyalty and friendship, but I want to find out for myself how much more."

"Of course." he answered with a touch of relief, running his hands comfortingly along his back. "Not to be mean, but to be honest...you seemed pretty well interested by Tsubaki-hime...I mean, appropriately so for a boy your age...this is a pretty drastic turn around from her...are you confident about your interests in this direction?"

Hisoka drew back fractionally... he didn't like thinking about that girl, not when he had to kill her. "I don't know. I think I thought we had something in common... we were both being manipulated by Muraki. I wanted to save her, too, but I couldn't even do that. I never saw her as a romantic interest, though. She was... alive, you know? I've never met any female I wanted to be close to the way I want to be close to you." His gaze flickered back to Tsuzuki's. "How about you? You've seemed at least a little interested in some of the women we've met... like the dancer. And that's not to mention the boys, like Hijiri."

Tsuzuki smiled faintly "Well...unlike you, I don't have that purity going for me...and I'll admit I'm somewhat prone to becoming emotionally involved with people. But I *will* say that I haven't been with anyone since you became my partner...and if you want to start analyzing Hijiri, let's remember what he looked like, shall we? A friendly Hisoka who actually *liked* me? I'm weak. It's not a big leap of the imagination. I never touched him."

Hisoka gave the man a pouting look. "I'm not that unfriendly, am I? And I -do- like you." Of course, that doesn't explain why they argue so much.

"You've grown up a lot, and you've changed for the better. At the time, though, you were still taking out quite a bit of your angry adolesence on me. Or at least giving me frostbite."

"You keep saying that... that I've grown up. I don't feel any more adult. I still look the same. Everyone still treats me like I'm a 16-year-old kid... partly because everyone's so much older, too."

"To some extent, everyone probably always will. And to some extent, you always will be...a teenager's brain isn't finished developing, just like the rest of his body, so there are aspects of your personality that will always be those of a sixteen year old...you can't help that...but emotionally, experiences will make you more mature. You don't hide yourself so much anymore, you don't use your anger to shield yourself and you've learned that some people can be trusted...those are signs of maturity, whether you *feel* older or not."

RP log - Tsuzuki and Hisoka - How to Get Out of Work Early - March 24, 2004

Fri, 28 May 2004 05:22:05 GMT

A vaguely glassy purple gaze grazed over Tatsumi dutifully before refocusing, or de-focusing as it were on the wall above his head. As his voice continued to drone about work-flow and the fiscal year, the elder shinigami spared a glance towards the right where his younger partner was sitting on the edge of his chair, leaning forward and looking painfully attentive. With a slight smile that didn't *seem* malicious, he tuned out Tatsumi completely, engaging in his new too-long-meeting game, staring absently at the wall and imagining the secretary in a feathered thong jumping out of a cake...as vividly and 'loudly' as possible.

It certainly wasn't Hisoka's imagination that this meeting had gone on much longer than usual. Out of the corner of his eye, he had been watching the shadows cast from the light from the windows move across the floor, even as the rest of his concentration is focused on Tatsumi... or attempted to, at any rate. Tsuzuki sitting so near, practically broadcasting naughty, ridiculous images of the man didn't help his concentration. More than once, he found himself nearly on the edge of giggles--and it would have been completely mortifying if he did break down, since Hisoka Does Not Giggle.

With a faintly sly expression, Tsuzuki shifted his eyes to gague Hisoka's reaction, and adjusted his mental image to cage-dancing Tatsumi, with 003 delivering bills into his underwear on behalf of Watari in his black bodysuit, pushing to get a visable shock from the boy.

If getting a reaction was what Tsuzuki was banking on, the boy did his best to disappoint. He cast a stern look in Tsuzuki's direction, an obvious, wordless directive for him to behave. With that image stuck in his head, though, the next time he looked at Tatsumi, a faint blush pinkened his cheeks, and he had to look away.

Tsuzuki played oblivious, toying absently with his woefully barren plate as if he had no idea whatsoever that Hisoka might be picking up on his thoughts, and smiled to himself as he shifted his imaginings toward the boy himself, placing him innocently enough in a hot spring, though ever so *slightly* suggestive in the way his face flushed and lips parted in the wafting heat of the steaming water.

Hisoka flushed an even brighter red when he caught on to that suggestive image, and every controlled thought flew right out of his head. "That's enough!" he yelled, jumping to his feet and slamming his hands down on the table. Of course, Tatsumi and Watari gave him a blank, rather shocked look, and then they looked at Tsuzuki, since Hisoka was staring at him.

The elder had forsight to look innocently surprised, lifting his chin off his hand to blink at his partner "Mou, Hisoka? Is everything all right?"

Hisoka looked around the room, realizing he had just made himself the complete focus of the disturbance. "Ah... excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom." And he darted out of the room, heading down the hallway to the bathroom. The rest of the meeting ccould carry on without him... surely Tatsumi was almost done by then anyway.

Tsuzuki took the opportunity to jump up from his seat, barely masing his excitement at getting out of the meeting "I'll make sure he's alright, you can finish without us ne, Tatsumi?" he flashed his most endearing smile and chased out after Hisoka before Tatsumi could protest, heading along the hall to the nearest restroom and pushing the door open cautiously "Hisoka...?"

Hisoka could be found hiding inside the bathroom, leaning up against the wall, secretly trying to stiffle a giggle. Oh sure, he was still embarrassed about Tsuzuki tricking him into making a scene with those images, but.... "Tsuzuki. You're so lucky I didn't tell Tatsumi-san about you imagining him as a stripper. I don't think he'd appreciate it." He didn't appear to be too upset about being chased down, either.

Tsuzuki let the door shut behind him as his mouth softened into a small, honest smile "You're laughing."

Hisoka tried to put a straight expression on his face. "No, I'm not! You shouldn't've been thinking those things in the meeting. You should have been paying attention like I was trying to do."

"You should laugh more often." he winked, raising one finger as his more cheerful facade picked up where it had left off.

Hisoka shook his head, though a certain look of amusement still played over his features. "I guess I should be glad that it wasn't me you imagined in the stripper place. Tatsumi-san did look pretty good in that fluffy thong...."

His grin widened frighteningly at the prospect. "Mou, Soka-chan, you'd be pretty cute I bet, that's a good suggestion."

Hisoka gave the man a scandalized look, stalking closer to him and ticking a scolding finger up at him. "Don't you even think it! Not even secretly! Because I'll know it if you do!"

"I'll wait until you're ready to act it out live." He winked and turned flippantly on his heel, heading back out into the hall. "What should we order for dinner? I'm starving. How about Chinese? We haven't had Chinese in... well, in two days, but it's really good, don't you think?"

Hisoka opened his mouth to protest Tsuzuki's suggestion, but it was already too late, because the man was walking out and heading down the hallway. "What? Don't get all presumptive on me about stuff like that!" The shift to dinner as a topic of conversation was rather jarring, even as the boy started running after Tsuzuki to catch up. "Don't I get a say in where we go?"

"I think we should order in. We can eat in front of the tv and watch one of those documentary things you like." He turned his head, looking to Hisoka eagerly for aquiesence.

Hisoka tried to find a way to argue with that, but the idea did sound awfully attractive. "I guess that sounds all right. Just nothing too spicy, okay? I wonder what kind of documentary we'll be able to find."

"Something about the Meji era, I hope. If you don't hit me for correcting it." he added thoughtfully.

Hisoka snorted softly, glancing at Tsuzuki. "I suppose that's what I get for watching something like that with a guy old enough to have lived through it."

"Didn't your parents teach you to respect your elders?" he raised a hand, toussling Hisoka's hair as if he were a child.

The boy clutched at his hair when it's tousled, trying to straighten it back into its familiar disorder. "Sure, if they act their age."

"Are you suggesting that I'm less-than-mature?"

Hisoka put on a thoughtful expression. "Let's see... who was it in the meeting a few minutes ago who was imagining his coworkers in provocative situations, just so he could get out of the meeting early?"

"Now Hisoka," he frowned, giving him a stern look, "I know you have those teenaged hormones to deal with but that is not at all appropriate daydreaming for the office. I expected more of you."

Hisoka was absolutely horified, completely strung along by Tsuzuki's teasing. "What are you talking about? That strip club thing was all your idea! You were trying to distract me, I could tell!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Hisoka, your imagination must have been in overdrive. I had no *idea* you thought about Tatsumi *that* way..."

Hisoka rolled his eyes, realizing that he was getting no where with this argument. "Don't think I didn't notice what you were thinking about me, either. It makes me wonder if you've been spying on me in the bath in the evenings, if you have such a fetish about it."

"Oh, I was just thinking about our vacation. You didn't spend any time with us in the hot springs when we were in Hokkaido, it would be good for you."

Hisoka shook his head. "I prefer bathing alone. Besides, I bet you all had a full enough bath without me in there too."

Tsuzuki clucked his tongue. "Would it kill you to have someone else wash your back for you? What, do you have skinny hip bones or something you're self-conscious about?"

Hisoka shook his head again, this time a bit more fervently. The image of Tsuzuki in the bath with him... washing his back... actually touching him... was quite strong. "Of course it wouldn't kill me... for obvious reasons. And what, you think I have skinny hip bones?" Way to go, Tsuzuki. Give the boy a new complex.

"I don't think you have anything to angst over when you look in the mirror," he said. "And I'd have to point out that you've made quite sure that I've never *seen* your hip bones."

Hisoka was quiet then, not quite sure what to think about Tsuzuki's comments. "Well, thanks. I think.... Though I don't know what your sudden interest in seeing my hip bones is about."

He laughed out loud at that, tossing his head back in mirth. "You're the one fixated on it, I just used it as an example...maybe you secretly *want* me to see them, ne?"

"No! I'm not fixated on it! You're the one who was imagining me in the bath!" By then, they were walking home, and a couple passers-by gave them a look at Hisoka's raised voice. "Or is it that you want me to want you to see me?"

Tsuzuki grinned at him manically. "*Or*, is it that you want me to want you to want me to want you to see you?"

Hisoka just shook his head, realizing he had lost this argument as well. "If it was on my mind that I wanted you to see me naked, I think I'd tell you. And if it's on your mind that you want to see me naked, you might as well say it. You say everything else that you're thinking."

"I don't think you would, actually, you're a little on the shy side, really, soka-chan."

"You don't think I would which? Show you? or tell you?"

"Tell me, I didn't think we'd gotten as far into the conversation as you showing me."

Hisoka shrugged again, giving that a moment or two of serious thought. "If it was important to me, I'd probably say something. You know I say what's on my mind." Of course, thinking about something like that in the abstract would be quite different from actually being in the situation to do it.

Tsuzuki nodded seriously. "Alright then, it's settled." he smiled and resumed walking.

Hisoka looked blank for a moment. He struggled with the idea for a long moment, but then he couldn't quite puzzle it out. "What's settled?"

"After dinner we'll have a bath and wash each other's backs, since you aren't shy."

The boy's jaw just dropped as the man said that, but no words came out for a moment or two. "Wha-what? I don't remember agreeing to that!"

"So now you're saying you *are* shy?" he gave him an innocent look.

"I don't recall whether I am or I'm not shy being a topic of discussion! But apparently you're all anxious to see me naked, if you keep pressing this."

Tsuzuki shrugged lightly. "You're getting all worked up over nothing, kiddo. You know you're beautiful." He smiled and kept walking, letting Hisoka try to decipher what he meant by *that*.

Hisoka just blushed, unable to comprehend how someone could think he was beautiful. "Don't... don't call me 'kiddo'. I have a name, you know." His voice as he said that was half-hearted, though.

"You're absolutely right, Kurosaki-san." He gave him a rather gentle smile.

Hisoka leaned close enough to Tsuzuki as they're walking to elbow him gently in the ribs. "C'mon, you don't have to be that formal." Beautiful?? Tsuzuki called him beautiful? What in the world could he have meant by that?

"Hisoka?"

"Sure, that's fine." The boy thought the man was just confirming his name, as he asked him to.

Tsuzuki laughed softly. "Hi*so*ka, I want to ask you a question."

Hisoka looked a little sheepish as he realized what Tsuzuki meant. "Oh sure. What is it?"

"Do you trust me?"

Hisoka answered without hesitation. "Of course I do. I trust you with my life... such as it is."

He hesitated a moment, looking more serious now. "I just... don't want to hurt you, in any way..."

The boy arched a brow at Tsuzuki. "What are you planning to do that you think will hurt me?"

Tsuzuki gave him a sheepish look, reaching up to rub the back of his neck "Nothing...don't worry about it. I know you...had a hard life is all."

Hisoka considered that and then shrugged. "Maybe. But I know your life was pretty rough too. What is it you're thinking about that you're not telling me? Don't make me pry it out of you..." He glomped onto the man's arm, the phyical connection enhancing his empathic abilities, as if he did plan on drawing some informaiton out of the man.

For a brief moment Tsuzuki startled, moving to pull away, and then in heartbeat thought better of it, instead leaning forward and slipping his free arm securely around the youth's waist to pull him closer and up a bit as he ducked his head, catching his mouth for a few moments with a warm, sure kiss before releasing him again.

The boy really was taken by surprise as Tsuzuki seized his lips in a kiss. He froze, his eyes wide, even as his whole body wanted to melt into the man's embrace. One moment, then two... the boy allowed his eyes to close and he tentatively returned the kiss, pressing back against Tsuzuki's warm, soft lips.

Tsuzuki broke away suddenly, almost rough in pushing Hisoka back. "You don't have to...If you aren't ready for that sort of thing, or you just aren't interested...you don't have to go along with me, to keep me around..."

Hurt hit the boy first, then confusion, quickly followed by anger. "What are you talking about? What is it you want me to do? How dare you kiss me like that, then try to take it back?" Something tickled at the back of his mind, though, and he realized what the man must be thinking. "Believe me, if I wanted to stop having you around, you'd know it. We wouldn't be talking about things like whether or not you can wash my back later, that's for sure."

"Hisoka..." he softened his tone, moving forward and grabbing his wrist. "I'm not trying to take it back...I just want to be sure you know it...it isn't a *demand*. It's just..." He sighed softly "You're so *young*, to know what you really want..."

"I never thought it was a demand. You're not the kind of person who makes physical demands on someone else. At least, not that way. You do sometimes try to make me eat when I'm not really hungry." The boy stepped closer, holding up the wrist that Tsuzuki has claimed, but making it rather moot as a hold. "Maybe I am young, but I've experienced a lot. I guess you're right... I don't know everything that I want. But I do know I want you. You're important to me, Tsuzuki."

"I'm not going to leave you, 'Soka, no matter what you decide you want from me...well...unless you decide you want me to leave..." he smiled crookedly.

Hisoka flung his arms aroung the man and hugged him tightly. "Baka. You're not allowed to go anywhere without me. Just remember that."

Tsuzuki smiled, tightening his arms across his back. "I'm counting on it..."